Last week, Troy didn’t get home until after 9pm every single night. And then he went to work at 8:30 on Saturday morning and didn’t come home till after 10pm. On Sunday he “only” worked from 11am till 7pm. And today, he didn’t get home till almost 9:30pm.

Elliora didn’t see Troy from Sunday night until Saturday morning. Annalie only saw him once or twice when she was still awake when Troy went in to give her a kiss good night. Troy’s sister Dana and her son Leo came up for a visit over the weekend, and they barely saw Troy at all. (We had fun sightseeing with them, though, and it was nice having them around to distract us from the fact that Troy was gone all weekend.)

It hasn’t been too bad. Annalie, Elliora and I have been chugging along, doing our usual thing. It’s actually been good, having zero expectation that Troy would be home early enough to have dinner or give Elliora a bath or help with bedtime. Of course I wish Troy were home earlier, but it’s okay that he hasn’t been. I’ve managed all right, even if I am more exhausted than usual, and a little more stressed out.

But still. I’m hoping that these crazier-than-crazy hours don’t last much longer. We’re all hoping.

p.s. Isn’t my new daffodilly spring banner awesome!? Thanks, Brenda!

This is a bowl I painted for Bex and Jeremy. Bex commissioned me to paint it and probably thought she was going to pay for it, but they just got engaged and I was going to give it to them as an engagement present. I’ve had it all wrapped carefully in bubble wrap and sitting in a box for the past week, just waiting for me to make another batch of apricot cookies so I could include a few of those in the box. Last night I baked, so tonight I thought I’d finish getting the package ready to mail.

When I picked up the box, one of the flaps caught on something, and before I could stop it the box tipped sideways and the bowl flipped out and landed upside-down on the hardwood floor. I held my breath as I picked it up, not sure what I’d find, because I’ve dropped pottery before from greater heights with no harm done. But this time it was broken into many pieces plus dozens of chips and a fine layer of dust. It wasn’t even superglueable.

I’m sorry, Bex and Jeremy. It’s going to be a little while longer before I can ship your bowl to you. *Sigh.*

This sort of sums up my week, actually. I’m not sure which is worse: going into the holiday season with a cold, or thinking right up till the afternoon of Christmas Eve that I was going to have a healthy, snot-free Christmas for once and then getting knocked FLAT by a cold. I was over the worst of it by the end of Christmas Day, but I’m still coughing and sleeping more than normal and feeling worn-down. Annalie was sick all this week, too. It was pretty much a bummer. Bah humbug.

The good news is, it’s almost the weekend. And Troy has leave all next week. So at least I’ll be able to catch up on my 7 Days posts, and go paint another bowl soon.

I was talking to Troy last night about how life just feels so…relentless lately. Of course having a toddler in the house, even one who (touchwoodfingerscrossedtwirlaroundthreetimesandclucklikeachicken) is mostly sleeping through the night, is a lot of work. Troy is still working long hours. I’m still homeschooling Annalie. And it’s the holidays, which means extra items on everyone’s to-do list. Especially with the days getting dark so early, it seems like I am constantly running behind, that I never reach the end of my list.

Troy suggested that maybe right now, just for a little while, I need to cut back on one or two things. I agreed that sounded good in theory. Then I realized: I’m two weeks behind on Flickring photos (which I do mainly for the grandparents, so I’m feeling bad about that). I hadn’t blogged in eight days. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d worked on any of the three big crocheting projects in progress. Aside from some Christmas treats, I’ve barely even cooked dinner in weeks.

Yes, I wrote backwards on my hand just to remind you. You’re welcome.

Now I’m thinking that part of my problem is that I have not been doing much of anything creative lately. Luckily, it’s almost time for 7 Days again. (Note that it starts in the middle of the week this time, this coming Wednesday, the 21st.) That always provides a much-needed jolt of creative energy, not to mention it’s like a quarterly reunion of old friends at this point.

Whatever. It’s life, sometimes it’s crazy, sometimes it’s CRAZY, and usually it’s fun. Christmas is only a week away, and (throwsaltovermyshoulderwishonastarwearsomegarlic) we’re all healthy. We’re not traveling this year so we’re avoiding that stress. Things will get better and I’ll crochet and blog and cook more again someday. This is only a season.

And hey, it’s a season with lots of pretty lights to enjoy.

I got nothin’ right now.

I kind of hate myself for even thinking about writing this post, complete with an artsy nature photo, about how blah and tired I’ve been lately, and how there are a million things I could and should be doing instead of sitting on the couch after the kids are in bed. (The artsy nature photo itself is pretty cool, though; Annalie took it, which makes it that much cooler.) Yet here I am writing it. Bleargh.

Troy’s been working ridiculously long hours for months now and we’re all fraying at the edges because of it. Elliora still isn’t sleeping through the night and the lack of sleep is taking its toll on me and my patience levels. Annalie insists on acting like a seven-year-old (the nerve!). I’m always a few steps behind the mess that’s taking over the house. We could be moving as soon as February but don’t have orders yet so we can’t plan anything past January. I have a mile-long list of crochet projects I need to tackle but hardly any time or desire to crochet. I want to blog—I have so many posts in my head—but I never seem to get any of them actually written. One or both of the cats keep pooping on the floor next to the litter box. There is a new yet old ongoing family drama that is breaking my heart and making me lose sleep when I don’t have any to spare. Blah, blah, blah.

All this stuff is combining lately into a perfect storm that leaves me exhausted and frustrated in its wake. It’s overwhelming, and I tend to go a little numb when I think about it too much. I don’t even want to be writing this post about it except it’s driving me crazy that I can’t write the posts I want to write so I’m writing this one to explain why.

I know a lot of this is because of Troy’s crazy job right now, and more of it is because I have a baby, and that both of those things are temporary. I know that someday I will feel more like myself again, that this too shall pass. But oh, I’ll be annoyed about it until it does.

What’s annoying you right now? Let’s have a b!tch-fest. Those always make me feel better! Misery loves company.

Sammy got to spend a month at home with her parents under hospice care before she died at exactly four months old. She got a whole extra month of love and cuddles and time with her family and friends. Those who loved her are grieving for her at the same time they are rejoicing that she is free of pain now and knows only love.

I never met her but I am grieving too. My heart breaks for her parents Stephanie and Travis, who lost their second child today. I cannot imagine.

Read about Sammy’s life at her CaringBridge page. She has a Flickr photostream, too, where Stephanie put all the snapshots they’d taken of Sammy in her brief life as well as the photos from a professional portrait session with a Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep photographer.

Thank you to those of you who kept Samantha and her family in your thoughts and prayers, and especially to those of you who went out of your way to let me know you were doing so. I’ve closed comments on this post, but if you want to express your sympathies to Stephanie and Travis, please do so by signing the guestbook at the CaringBridge page or leave a comment on Stephanie’s blog.

Day 4 was one of those frustrating, losing-my-temper days. Nothing was seriously wrong (not with our family, anyway). We’re all healthy, no one’s getting divorced or fired. It’s just…all the big and small annoying/sad/worrisome things adding up. It was life, kicking my butt, like it does once in a while.

That night Troy and I had a good long talk about some of life’s current challenges and ways we could tackle them. The next morning, we had the house professionally cleaned for the second time in our lives, which was just as awesome as the first time. And then the day after that, my mom arrived for a short visit. Blue skies ahead.

Annalie said:

At first, I saw this fox in the street and I wasn’t sure if he was a cat or a fox. But then my mom came in the room and told me that it was a fox, and she was right. We looked it up online. You wanna know why I thought it was a cat? Well, you see, its tail wasn’t that POOFY, so I thought it was a cat. But we think maybe he was just wet, because it rained this morning.

Remember my friend Stephanie‘s little girl Samantha who was sick with meningits, the one I crocheted the blanket for? Well, the latest news is not good, which is an understatement.

The infection ate away most of Samantha’s brain tissue before it was under control. About a week ago they met with all their doctors and specialists to go over what was in store for them. They decided it was time to take Sammy home, to just enjoy their daughter as much as they could, and let as many of their friends and family meet her and hold her as possible. They have hospice nurses helping them out at home, and they are administering medications to keep Sammy as comfortable as possible during these final days.

These past weeks I’ve spent a lot of time thinking of and praying for my friends and their sweet baby girl, whom I will likely never get to meet this side of heaven. I’ve thought about how excited I was for Stephanie and Travis to watch their daughter grow up, how I thought it was cool she was born a day after my birthday, how fun it would be that our babies were close in age and how when we visited them this fall on our way to see Troy’s parents it would be neat to introduce our girls to each other. I think about all those things with grief now, and I know that my grief is so very tiny compared to theirs.

I remember how scary it was when Elliora was first admitted to the hospital last December, before we knew it was RSV and they were doing every test under the sun, including a lumbar puncture to check for meningitis. Sometimes when I’m thinking about Samantha I look down at Elliora as she nurses or sleeps on me, and know it could have just as easily happened to her. There but for the grace of God, I think, and breathe a prayer of thanks at the same time I am crying for my friends.

Loss is a fact of life. I know way too many people who’ve lost babies, and they’re all awful, tragic losses. This one is hitting me harder than most for some reason. Maybe because of Elliora’s time in the hospital and my own brief, terrifying glimpse of what it would be like to stand at the edge of that chasm of pain and grief. I think this is part of why I’ve been having such a hard time blogging lately, actually.

I’m so thankful that Travis and Stephanie are people of deep faith. I’m grateful that they’re being supported by so many loved ones and comforted by the many, many people praying for them. And I’m so glad I sent the blanket when I did. I won’t get to hug Samantha or hold her but something I created has kept her warm and brightened her bed.

If you want to read more about Samantha or leave a message for her parents, you can go here, to Samantha Pittock’s CaringBridge.

It’s been at least a month now since I’ve managed to blog about anything in a timely manner, and I hate it. It hate how many photos I’ve taken and posts I’ve written in my head that will probably never be published here, because eventually it gets to the point where we just have to move on. I hate it because they’re stories I wanted to tell, and because I’ll probably forget most of them if I don’t write them down.

I kind of hate that I’m writing this post about it, too. It’s so eye-rollingly meta and just plain boring when people blog about how they never have time to blog anymore. Yet here I am, doing that very thing. Arrggh.

I know I have good reasons for being a bad blogger right now. I know I have other things to do. I’m taking care of my family, first of all. I cook meals, I do laundry, I read stories and drive to gymnastics class and feed the cats. I have a baby who eats three meals a day now, which takes up a surprisingly large chunk of time each day. I’ve been busy traveling and entertaining out-of-town guests, which was super fun but frankly exhausting; I’m sure the guests would agree.

I have two baby blankets in progress and am planning to crochet two more before the summer’s over. I’ve painted a half-dozen custom-order mugs recently and have more to paint when I get the chance. I’m frittering away the usual amount of time reading blogs and watching TV, plus additional hours catching up on Fringe. And that’s only the very tippiest-top of the iceberg. Like everyone else I know—except maybe Diane Court—I’m monumentally busy.

But still. I miss blogging.

Before we left for Omaha, I mailed this blanket off to Samantha in Texas. I hope and pray she gets the chance to use it for years to come.

Sammy is still in need of prayers, and so are her parents Stephanie and Travis. In the week since they figured out she has bacterial meningitis, she’s made some good progress but also had a few sobering setbacks. The strain of bacteria causing the disease was not the kind that is resistant to antibiotics, so that was great news. She was having seizures (not uncommon for infants with meningitis, I gather) so underwent an MRI, which showed extensive brain damage. She developed encephalitis. Then a lumbar puncture showed the white cell count was down, meaning the infection was under control, and they began to wean Sammy from the vent. A second MRI revealed the disease had progressed to ventriculitis, many infarctions, and that the brain damage seems to have grown more extensive.

Even though Stephanie and Travis (who is a Lutheran pastor) have great faith and are being supported by their friends and family and uplifted by the knowledge that people all over the world are thinking of them and praying for their little girl, this has to feel like a nightmare. They can’t protect their baby girl. They can only trust God and the doctors and hope for the best.

Thank you for your prayers so far. If you have a moment, please say a prayer, make a wish, light a candle, or WHATEVER for Samantha and her family. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. I know Stephanie and Travis would thank you too.

UPDATE 5/1/2011: GOOD NEWS! Sammy was weaned off the respirator and oxygen and is breathing on her own. And, she was moved from the ICU to an intermediary room where her parents can stay in the room with her. They still have a long road ahead of them but things are looking up. Woohoo! Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers for them!

I crocheted this log cabin baby blanket for my friend Stephanie’s baby girl, Samantha. It’s sitting on my bookcase, freshly laundered and neatly folded, waiting for me to remember to mail it off to Texas.

Today I’m glad for my forgetfulness, because it’s serving as a reminder to pray every time I glance at it.

Six-week-old Samantha (she was born the day before my birthday) is in the hospital with an unknown illness. It’s pretty serious, and they’re still trying to figure out exactly what’s going on. My heart is aching for Stephanie and her husband Travis. I remember how scary it was to be in the ER with Elliora after Christmas before we knew what was going on. And even though I’m trying not to, I can’t help but think of Easter two years ago, when two bloggers tragically lost their babies within a week of each other.

This little girl was very much wished for and waited on and is loved so very much. I’m scared for Stephanie and Travis, and praying hard for them and Samantha. Could you please say a prayer – make a wish – send healing thoughts their way too? Thank you.

UPDATE: Samantha has bacterial meningitis. It’s scary but she’s stable and they are giving her antibiotics. The next 48 hours are critical so please keep her in your thoughts and prayers. Thank you!