I got nothin’ right now.

I kind of hate myself for even thinking about writing this post, complete with an artsy nature photo, about how blah and tired I’ve been lately, and how there are a million things I could and should be doing instead of sitting on the couch after the kids are in bed. (The artsy nature photo itself is pretty cool, though; Annalie took it, which makes it that much cooler.) Yet here I am writing it. Bleargh.

Troy’s been working ridiculously long hours for months now and we’re all fraying at the edges because of it. Elliora still isn’t sleeping through the night and the lack of sleep is taking its toll on me and my patience levels. Annalie insists on acting like a seven-year-old (the nerve!). I’m always a few steps behind the mess that’s taking over the house. We could be moving as soon as February but don’t have orders yet so we can’t plan anything past January. I have a mile-long list of crochet projects I need to tackle but hardly any time or desire to crochet. I want to blog—I have so many posts in my head—but I never seem to get any of them actually written. One or both of the cats keep pooping on the floor next to the litter box. There is a new yet old ongoing family drama that is breaking my heart and making me lose sleep when I don’t have any to spare. Blah, blah, blah.

All this stuff is combining lately into a perfect storm that leaves me exhausted and frustrated in its wake. It’s overwhelming, and I tend to go a little numb when I think about it too much. I don’t even want to be writing this post about it except it’s driving me crazy that I can’t write the posts I want to write so I’m writing this one to explain why.

I know a lot of this is because of Troy’s crazy job right now, and more of it is because I have a baby, and that both of those things are temporary. I know that someday I will feel more like myself again, that this too shall pass. But oh, I’ll be annoyed about it until it does.

What’s annoying you right now? Let’s have a b!tch-fest. Those always make me feel better! Misery loves company.

Samantha Renee Pittock ~ March 10, 2011 to July 10, 2011

Sammy got to spend a month at home with her parents under hospice care before she died at exactly four months old. She got a whole extra month of love and cuddles and time with her family and friends. Those who loved her are grieving for her at the same time they are rejoicing that she is free of pain now and knows only love.

I never met her but I am grieving too. My heart breaks for her parents Stephanie and Travis, who lost their second child today. I cannot imagine.

Read about Sammy’s life at her CaringBridge page. She has a Flickr photostream, too, where Stephanie put all the snapshots they’d taken of Sammy in her brief life as well as the photos from a professional portrait session with a Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep photographer.

Thank you to those of you who kept Samantha and her family in your thoughts and prayers, and especially to those of you who went out of your way to let me know you were doing so. I’ve closed comments on this post, but if you want to express your sympathies to Stephanie and Travis, please do so by signing the guestbook at the CaringBridge page or leave a comment on Stephanie’s blog.

Day 4 was one of those frustrating, losing-my-temper days. Nothing was seriously wrong (not with our family, anyway). We’re all healthy, no one’s getting divorced or fired. It’s just…all the big and small annoying/sad/worrisome things adding up. It was life, kicking my butt, like it does once in a while.

That night Troy and I had a good long talk about some of life’s current challenges and ways we could tackle them. The next morning, we had the house professionally cleaned for the second time in our lives, which was just as awesome as the first time. And then the day after that, my mom arrived for a short visit. Blue skies ahead.

Annalie said:

At first, I saw this fox in the street and I wasn’t sure if he was a cat or a fox. But then my mom came in the room and told me that it was a fox, and she was right. We looked it up online. You wanna know why I thought it was a cat? Well, you see, its tail wasn’t that POOFY, so I thought it was a cat. But we think maybe he was just wet, because it rained this morning.