learning to write thank-you notes
May 28th, 2010
We’ve been writing a lot of thank-you notes lately around here. I’ve always been a big believer in thank-you notes, especially for gifts that were mailed to me. If nothing else they let the giver know that the gift was received. I like handwritten notes best, but I think emailed thank-yous are just as thoughtful and polite.
In previous years, I would just have Annalie dictate her thank-you notes to me, and she would sign her name and maybe draw a little picture. This year, it was a whole different ballgame. Annalie is reading and writing more and more on her own. That means that now, thank-you notes are a chance for her to practice handwriting, spelling, sentence structure, and letter-writing.
I’ve often remarked on how much Annalie is like my younger brother. I can honestly say I’ve never seen a stronger resemblance between Annalie and her Unky Ben than in their similar approach to thank-you notes, which can be summed up succinctly in three words: DO NOT WANT.
When I was a kid, I loved writing thank-you notes. I still do, though I might occasionally lack the time-management to get them done in a timely manner. My brother, on the other hand, fought writing thank-you notes tooth and nail. He just didn’t like to write, or sit still. I loved doing both.
It’s all in the approach, though. If you’d taken my brother to the house of each person who’d given him a present, I’m sure he would have gladly run to the door, rung the doorbell, and effusively thanked each friend or relative in person, complete with hugs and kisses and detailed descriptions of how he planned to play with each new toy. If you’d tried to make me go door-to-door and thank everyone in person, I probably would have slouched down under my seatbelt, crossed my arms, scowled, and refused to get out of the car. Have I mentioned that my brother and I are very different in some ways?
Here’s the thing about Annalie: when it’s her idea, she loves to write and draw and make lists. She does it almost compulsively on her own, while she’s watching TV, while someone is reading to her, while we’re driving, while she’s waiting for her food in a restaurant. If I try to make her write when she doesn’t want to, it often turns into a long, drawn-out battle of wills (see the updates at the end of that post) that just exhausts us both and makes me question my fitness for motherhood.
Mostly, writing thank-you notes this time around has been a pleasant surprise. I’ve been trying to catch her in the mood to write, which has helped a lot. And I guess she is six years old, after all! It’s amazing what a difference a year can make.
When we started I wrote out a sample note for her that said, “Dear ________, Thank you for the ________. Love, Annalie.” That way she could see she didn’t have to write very much, and that at least half of the words she had to write were words she already knew.
At first she groaned and complained a bit. We talked several times about how kind it was of her friends and relatives to take the time to think about her, pick a present she would like, wrap it prettily and send it to her; and about how taking five minutes to write a thank-you note was a small gesture of gratitude in return for that thoughtfulness. I made the mistake of joking to her once that I could tell everyone she didn’t want gifts next year because thank-you notes were too much trouble to write, and she got genuinely upset. Oops. Reminder to self: six-year-olds might be more mature than five-year-olds, but they don’t always get sarcastic humor.
After she got a few notes done, the complaints were fewer and farther between. Yesterday, writing what was probably her 12th or 13th thank-you note in recent weeks, she pretty much wrote the whole thing on her own. She only needed help with one or two words that she didn’t know!
I told her I was proud of her, and pointed out that she seemed to have learned how to spell “dear” and “thank.” She replied in a rather annoyed tone, “No, I was just guessing! I don’t know how to spell them!” She reacts the same way when we point out a word she read on her own, telling us she didn’t really know what it said, that she just saw the letters and guessed. It’s no use telling her that that is reading. She’s so funny.
But hey, she’s writing thank-you notes, and learning while she’s doing it. Even if she isn’t ready to admit it.
(Thanks, Mom, for taking both the photos in this post!)
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Oh, I learned really early in my life that thank you notes are an essential part of life. My grandma — my mom’s mom — is a huge believer in them, and when I was growing up, we weren’t allowed to play with the toy, cash the check, or otherwise use whatever the gift was until the thank you note was written and in the mail. So then I grew up with this belief — and the payoff was pretty awesome. When I was in college, each time my grandma sent me a check, I would follow mom’s rule and write a thank you note, put it in the mail, and then stop by the bank to deposit it. As soon as my grandma got the thank you, she’d promptly write another check the next month. And so on and so forth. My other cousins never figured this out, and therefore, probably only got one check a year at Christmas from her. :) Thank you notes kept me fed and clothed in college, to say the least.
I love the handwriting of little kids, its like they have their own font! Nice to see all is well :)
When I was a kid I would probably have said I was just guessing the words to avoid admitting something I’d said earlier was no longer true. I hated to be wrong…on anybody else’s terms especially!
Another good point I never really internalized as a child: people really enjoy being thanked. It makes them feel warm and fuzzy, and makes their day a bit (or a lot) brighter. Although it doesn’t help my time management that I’ve since realized this, it did make thank-yous much more fun to do.
I love Katie’s story.
Ahhh, the Thank You Note. I’m horrible with my timing, but I do work on getting them out. If I get Clarabelle at the right time she will whip her thank you’s out. I need to sit down with Sprite and complete her thank you’s from her birthday.
Sarcasm and kids. I have to remind myself not to use it. My kids have adapted to my sense of humor but I have to keep it on the straight and narrow with their friends.
I too am a big believer in thank you notes. It really isn’t an option in our house. You do it or lose whatever it is you received. Even the boy, almost 3, can draw a circle at the end of one and even when his dictation consists of “because I love it.” I am also all about the snail mail with thank you notes. I figure if they give me something tangible, I want them to have the same. Good for you mom! You are teaching a life skill and another much needed trait: Sometimes you have to do stuff that you don’t want to do. Good for Annalie too for sticking with it. See what happens when you are so popular? You have to write lots of thank you notes! There are worse problems to have. =o) Glad to hear all is well with you all.
I am just like you. I love writing thank you notes too and think its an important thing to do. :)
I also giggled when I read that sarcasm was lost on Annalie. I was sarcastic with Josh the other day about something. (Can’t remember what now) But he got really upset and I tried to explain that I was being sarcastic. He looked at me and said “MOM! I don’t like it when you are sarcastic. Its not funny at all!” :) Oh well.
That is great! I always wondered when to start them writing thank you notes, but I guess anytime is good. I enjoy letter writing in general and hope to pass it on to the kids.
That’s so weird that you have memories of writing thank you notes as a child. I don’t have any memories of doing that. I know we didn’t really have parties when we were young. I wonder if that’s why. Or maybe it’s just my bad memory again.
Bethany, I love that you’re doing this with Annalie. I see so many little kids who’s parents remind them to say “thank you”…and they say it…but it’s delivered with no meaning – it’s just a word they are taught to say. This exercise of writing brings understanding and lessons in appreciating the generosity of others. I plan to vote for Annalie when she runs for president someday.
My daughter is the same way about writing– on her own terms, she loves to write (she’s 6). Make is something she HAS to do, like homework or thank-you notes, and it’s like pulling teeth! I do think it’s important for her to write thank-you notes, though, so we persevere!
Thank you for making the world a nicer place by teaching Annalie how to write thank-you notes. Such a simple, thoughtful gesture goes a long way. She will always remember this lesson and one day… she will thank YOU!
That’s so awesome!!
Kaylie (almost 9) is starting to get sarcasm and it’s fun to play around with her like that. But I also made the mistake of saying sarcastic things to her at Annalie’s age with some not-so-great results. Whoops!
:)