And we’re very glad he is!

Well, he’s back in town, anyway. Since Troy has duty tonight and can’t actually come home till morning, we picked up pizza and went to have dinner with him on the ship.

I used to do that all the time before Annalie was born. Depending on the ship he was on and his rank at the time, Troy would have duty anywhere from every five days to two weeks. So I’d drive to the base after work or class, pick up our usual order at the taco place inside the gate, and head to the ship. Sometimes I brought food I’d cooked, and when I did that I usually made sure to bring extra in case any other officers happened to wander through the wardroom looking hungry. Back in those days, we might watch a show on TV and I would usually stay as late as I could, till all visitors had to be off the ship at 10pm.

There was one Valentine’s Day early in our marriage—it might have even been the first one after we were married—when Troy had duty. So he and another officer who had duty that night, Danny, concocted a grand plan that Danny called Operation Get-Out-Of-Doghouse. They invited me and Erin, Danny’s wife, to come to the ship for dinner and a movie. They assured us that we didn’t have to bring a thing, that they’d take care of everything.

They asked the Mess Specialists (this was before they were called Culinary Specialists) who were on duty that night to make a special Valentine’s Day dinner: Chicken Cordon Bleu, roasted potatoes, broccoli, and a dessert. And oh man, did those MSes outdo themselves!

In case anyone is getting worked up at the idea of taxpayer money being spent on a fancy dinner for officers’ wives, let me assure you that (1) the dinner wasn’t that fancy, and (2) Erin and I had to pay for our meals, as all guests who eat on a ship do.

Usually the cooks on a ship are feeding a ton of people and the food tends to be decent but not anything amazing. But these guys are all really well-trained for their jobs, and given the chance to shine, they sure do. I still remember how delicious that chicken was! They even put a white tablecloth out for us, used the nice ship’s china and silverware, and acted as our servers (which they don’t always do). It was clear that they were totally getting a kick out of the whole thing and enjoying themselves just as much as we were.

Danny and Troy also had flowers for each of us, a DVD player with CDs to listen to, movies to watch after dinner, and I seem to recall candles on the table too. Since Danny and Erin were good friends of ours the conversation was lively and punctuated with frequent laughter. I think about that dinner sometimes, about how that could have been a melancholy, unmemorable Valentine’s Day and another mark against the Navy in our memories…but instead it was a fun, memorable evening that showed me being a Navy wife doesn’t have to be one long struggle.

The times when Troy is gone aren’t easy, especially now that we have Annalie. We both miss him terribly when he’s gone. Being a single parent even temporarily is quite humbling and has given me a new level of respect for full-time single parents. It makes me realize how much I rely on Troy for support and help when he’s here. When Troy is gone, I am the only adult in the house. If I don’t load and unload the dishwasher, remember to take the trash to the alley the night before trash pick-up, clean the litterboxes, pay the bills on time…it doesn’t get done. Of course, I do many of those things anyway, but most of the time Troy is there to pick up the chores I miss. Just knowing I have back-up lightens the load.

Many people have told me that they have no idea how I do it, how anyone who’s married to a military member manages all the time apart. My answer is always the same: I just do it, because being married to Troy in the Navy is better than not being married to Troy at all. And there is the fact that before we were married, Troy assured me that if I ever decided I just couldn’t stand the Navy life anymore, he would get out in a heartbeat. He made the decision before he even met me that his family would always come before his career. Heck, that’s half the reason I married him.

I’ve learned over the years that I am strong enough, that Troy and I are strong enough together, to weather the separations. We have lots of people praying for us and supporting us. I’m smart enough to plan distractions for myself, like inviting friends to visit or traveling to visit them or having fun adventures at the mall.

But above all, the most important thing that helps me stay sane when Troy is gone on long deployments is that ships no longer have to rely on snail mail as their main means of communication. Thank God for email!

Part 1: Merry-go-round

Annalie loves going to the Green* Mall by our house because it’s kind of like a park, what with the fountains and the grassy areas and trees and flowers. She loves it so much I had to bribe her to go to a different mall with me. I wanted to go see how the Pink* Mall has changed since we lived here back in the 20th century (ha!) and I happened to know that there is a merry-go-round there.

That was all it took to get her on board with visiting a different mall. She was so excited she was running and skipping ahead of me the whole way. “C’mon, mom! Where’s the merry-go-round? Can I ride a horse? Does it have two levels? Can I ride on the top part? Come ON, hurry!”

We bought our tokens and stood in line. The attendant let us through the gate when it was our turn and Annalie ran up the carousel’s stairs to the second level, laughing her funny I’m-so-excited laugh. She chose a zebra, clambered up, and buckled herself in (just a safety strap, similiar to those on restaurant high chairs). Then she started looking around and realized we were up really high. She clung to the pole and whimpered that she had changed her mind.

I tried distracting her. I pointed out the lights and mirrors, exclaimed over a little kid doing something funny down in the mall, took an arm’s-length self-portrait of us. But she was still apprehensive. I suggested that maybe she wanted to switch to the seahorse behind us, and for some reason she thought that was a good idea. I quickly whipped her off the zebra and onto the seahorse, clicking the buckle just as the music started and the carousel began to move.

Of course it only took about three seconds for Annalie to relax and enjoy herself. And every single day since then, she’s asked me at least once a day, “Can we go back to the mall and ride the merry-go-round?”

Part 2: Painting pottery

There is a pottery-painting studio at the Green Mall, less than a mile from our house. That’s a big change from Maryland, where it was a 45-minute drive from our house to Paint ‘N Pottery!

Even though it was so close, I wasn’t in a hurry to go there. We almost always painted with friends in Maryland, and I was afraid it would be too sad to go by ourselves. I wanted to wait until we could go with friends. So yesterday we met Elaine and her daughters Lily and Anya at Paint & Fire.*

I was also a little worried that painting at a new studio just wouldn’t be as much fun, because I am accustomed to the lovely, helpful people and laid-back attitude at Paint ‘N Pottery. I was afraid I had been ruined for all other pottery studios.

Silly me, of course my worries were for nothing! Paint ‘N Pottery will always be the gold standard of pottery-painting studios to me, but Paint & Fire is pretty good too. You can paint pottery or make mosaics or clay handprints there. They even have a special 1-year membership that you can purchase which gives you 20% off all pottery. Of course I bought the membership because I plan to go back again and again. Yesterday I finished a dotty serving plate that Rhi commissioned me to paint, and next I’ll be painting something for Aileen. Whee! It’s good to be painting again.

Part 3: Playing in the fountain

Once we finished painting, it was lunchtime and we were all hungry. We went to the food court where the moms ate Greek food and the kids ate Hawaiian pizza. After lunch it was inevitable that we would make our way out to the courtyard next door, because there is a cool fountain (AKA “kid magnet”) there.

Elaine and I sat at a table in the shade and relaxed while our kids played. Wait, no we didn’t. We mostly took photos of our kids being cute, and when we weren’t doing that we were telling them they couldn’t stick their feet in the fountain or asking them to lie on their tummies on the low, broad wall instead of crouching unsteadily on top of it.

Lily busted out her camera and did a photoshoot with Annalie and Anya as willing models. It cracks me up how I can barely get Annalie to look at me when I’m holding a camera most days, but if an older child with a camera tells her how to pose she’s totally happy to comply.

I’m glad we had the chance to get together before school starts, since Lily will be in kindergarten this year! But I am sure we’ll get together once in a while anyway, because we all have a great time together.

*I totally made those names up.

My friend Erin’s birthday is today, at least for ten more minutes. I made cupcakes in honor of her birthday, despite the fact that she lives in another state and won’t get to eat any of them.

I ate this one and it was delicious. Sorry, Erin! I guess since I made you a wedding cake, I can manage to make you more cupcakes when we come visit in a couple of weeks. I can hardly wait to see you and Rocco and the kitties!

Bethany & Erin in Costa Rica, October 1999