Painting, judgment, and prayer at the mall
November 1st, 2008
A time out for Annalie and Mom on a rough day…taken February 7, 2008
Today I was at the pottery studio, painting the prize for the lucky winner of Jill’s pottery lottery. While I was there a mom came in with two young kids, a boy about 5 and a girl about 3. The kids were clearly excited, laughing and chattering as they looked over the shelves and chose a dinosaur and a truck. The mom settled them at a table and brought palettes of paint over so they could start.
From there it quickly went downhill. After he dabbed a bit of paint on his dino, the boy pushed it away and said, “I want to paint that car now.” His mom explained that no, they were only painting one thing each because she didn’t have the money to buy more than one. The boy immediately burst into tears, sobbing loudly over and over, “I WANT TO PAINT THE CAAAAAR!”
His mom wasn’t exactly the epitome of patience, but she did her best, gathering her son onto her lap and simultaneously encouraging her daughter and trying to ignore the child wailing in her ear. After a minute or two she reached her breaking point and snapped, “That’s enough, Carter!”
Not that I can entirely blame her. I was sitting at another table ten feet away and I was in no way responsible for the child emitting the noise, and it was getting on my nerves.
The mom brusquely moved Carter to his own chair and crossed the room to get a new sponge for her daughter, dropping the old one in a bowl of water on the table. The girl protested and fished her paint-covered sponge out of the bowl, squeezing it so that painty water splashed and puddled on the table. When the mom came back and saw the mess, “Lucy Rose, NO! What are you doing!? That sponge is all yucky! I thought y’all were mature enough to come paint again, but I guess I was wrong! Am I ever glad your daddy isn’t here to see how naughty you guys are being…” She went on loudly berating her daughter while she sopped up the water with a paper towel.
Meanwhile Carter had gotten up and was trying to take the car he wanted down from the shelf. As his mom leaped over to scold him for that, Lucy ran over to the door and glanced back to see if her mom was watching her. The mom raced over to grab her daughter before she could run out into the mall, and behind her back Carter…well, you get the idea. The kids were clearly not going to cooperate, mom had good and lost her cool, the situation was spiraling out of control.
I sats there painting and listening to all of this tensely, observing from the corner of my eye each time the mom walked away just in case a disaster needed to be averted. (I tend to do that when I’m out in public. If I’m ever at Target and your two-year-old gets away from you and runs wildly down my aisle, I will block his path in a non-scary way till you arrive, panting and disheveled from chasing him. You might thank me or you might give me a dirty look and stalk off yanking your kid by the wrist, but either way I figure I can’t just let him run on by me.) In my head, I was playing the ol’ I-wish-people-wouldn’t-yell-at-their-kids-in-public lecture: Your kids are being a bit difficult, lady, but come on! YOU are the grown-up here. It was Halloween yesterday, they probably went to bed late and are tired!, etc.
Suddenly—literally in the blink of an eye—I teared up and I went from self-righteous to sympathetic. I thought of the times Annalie has melted down in public, and how often I’ve lost my temper with her and said things I regretted. I thought about how sometimes a stranger smiling at me or saying a kind word has been enough to defuse a situation that was threatening to go nuclear.
And I felt compelled to pray. I asked God to give the mom patience with her kids, to help her speak to them in love and not anger. I prayed for peace to cover them and asked for wisdom to know what, if anything, I should say to them.
The freakiest thing happened next. No sooner had I finished my short prayer than everything settled down. It was almost like flipping a switch. The mom stopped snapping and the kids stopped squabbling. The mom calmly told her kids that if they were good till she was done cleaning up the table she would give them each a quarter for a gumball before they left. The kids waited by the gumball machine, studying the contents and telling each other which colors they hoped they’d get.
Now, I believe that there is real power in prayer. I truly do. Even if you’re not a religious person, you have probably read about scientific studies over the years about the link between prayer and pain, or faith and stress. Whether you believe it’s God working miracles or the meditation of prayer or the support system of fellow believers, you have to admit there is something there, right? But still, as a lifelong Christian and someone who prays daily, I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve had a prayer answered so immediately before my eyes.
Maybe God worked in the mom’s and kids’ hearts, or maybe the prayer calmed me down and they could sense my calmness, and that calmed them down. Whatever the reason, I jumped in. I asked the mom if she needed help clearing her table since her kids were ready to go. She turned me down politely but continued to chat as she worked, saying her kids had been so well-behaved while trick-or-treating the night before she had thought they might be ready for painting pottery. I mentioned the fact that I have a 4-year-old, smiling and rolling my eyes in an I’ve-been-there fashion.
She finished up and said good-bye to me with a friendly wave. She helped her kids put their quarters into the machine (Carter got green and Lucy got pink) and herded them out the door as she asked, “Are you guys hungry? Do you wanna go get some lunch?” The pottery studio was peaceful again.
I’ll admit that as I picked up my paintbrush again I thought, It’s 1 o’clock in the afternoon and those kids haven’t eaten lunch? I’d probably be squirrelly too if I were them! I don’t think I’ll be able to stop judging others in one fell swoop; unfortunately I think it’ll take a lifetime to get rid of that habit. What I do know is that I am not the one who knows what is going on in the hearts of people I see at the mall, at church, or even in my own house.
I am very thankful that God does not judge me based solely on what others can see from the outside. I want to show others the same grace God has shown me. Maybe if I say a prayer whenever I catch myself judging someone, that grace will be easier to show.
November 2nd, 2008 at 12:12 am
This is such a good reminder to all of us.
There but for the grace of God…
Lovely post.
Power of Prayer! Whoohoo! YES!
November 2nd, 2008 at 5:14 am
my eyes are filled with tears and i’ve got goosebumps from reading your post…i am a true beliver in the power of prayer and you’ve just made me a better beliver!
i’m just like you…i’ve got an eye on everyones kids! here in kuwait the parents don’t mind if their kid wanders freely even little ones that have just learned to walk waddle off. i watched closely as a family with 3 young boys under the age of 7 and a baby girl just learning to walk ran up and down the airport terminal. the boys went back to their nanny but the little girl kept aimlessly wandering around the busy terminal. i watched her carefully and followed close behind just in case. the nanny came running after a few minutes and i pointed her into the baby’s direction. i could never imagine jerrett running off like that…he knows to stay by my side at all times.
as for those kids made in the store i like to “butt in” too and offer some help to the mom. usually it’s a “no i’ve got it” or a mean look but i think it’s nice to know that someone is there just in case.
thanks for this lovely post
November 2nd, 2008 at 7:29 am
so glad you put this down. :)
November 2nd, 2008 at 8:05 am
Great reminder, Bethany! It’s so easy to judge people by their actions…
Hooray for prayer! It totally works!
November 2nd, 2008 at 8:12 am
All that you have written is speaking to me in many different ways. I used to be judgmental of people with children in public, before having any of my own. Then Emily came into our lives and our world was turned upside down. She had many issues to overcome in her early years and it made going out in public so difficult. I could feel people looking at us in judgment. We have a saying in our family now. “You don’t know, until YOU KNOW.”
I have been trying to figure out how I feel about religion and what I believe in. My faith has been tested. I have doubts that I need to work through, BUT I absolutely believe in the power of prayer. I’ve seen prayers work. I just need to sort some things out I guess.
Thank you for sharing.
November 2nd, 2008 at 8:13 am
That really was a great post. I’m glad you shared it with everyone.
November 2nd, 2008 at 8:30 am
You did a great thing for that mom! It’s always a good feeling when God can be found so directly…moments like that really cement faith.
November 2nd, 2008 at 8:46 am
Man, it is so easy to get up on that high horse of “I’d never… /my kids would never…) - and so hard to get down.
It’s a good thing we don’t have to rely solely on our own power to become better people!
November 2nd, 2008 at 8:53 am
I am not a religious person, but I am SO THANKFUL for folks like you who have truly taken to heart the message that I think sums up Christianity (basically, be good to each other). You’re an inspiration.
November 2nd, 2008 at 9:31 am
What a great story Bethany. There’s nothing like an immediate and obvious answer to prayer to reinforce your beliefs.
November 2nd, 2008 at 9:49 am
Wonderful post, Bethany. Thank you.
November 2nd, 2008 at 10:27 am
Ahhhhhh. this will find it’s way into my journal.
Such an awesome reminder - and so well put.
~Mad(elyn) in Alabama
November 2nd, 2008 at 2:30 pm
What a great reminder! I needed that. We all need to do a little more praying and a little less judging.
November 2nd, 2008 at 2:45 pm
What a sweet story to share and such a great example of the power of prayer. THANKS FOR SHARING.
November 2nd, 2008 at 5:46 pm
Thanks Bethany! I needed to hear that reminder more than you can imagine!
November 2nd, 2008 at 7:41 pm
I, too, am tearing up while reading this. Your last paragraph is a great reminder for every one. I needed that today. Thanks.
November 3rd, 2008 at 1:57 am
Thank you, everyone—and you’re welcome. I am glad what I wrote spoke to you in some way.
November 3rd, 2008 at 3:58 pm
Thanks for that, what a great reminder. So glad you shared. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve seen such an immediate answer, but boy does it grip you! I had a very frugal christmas one year and was headed to my aunt/uncles but hadn’t found the right gift for them, at $10 or less, and was a bit despairing of the candle I’d bought them. In the airport, a woman hurrying past thew a bag with a box in it at my feet. I thought she’d dropped it, ran to give it back after chasing her a ways, and she motioned me and the bag away with an angry gesture. I reluctantly opened it to find a card addressed to Dad and Mom, and a gift. The gift was an expensive holiday plate from a famous designer that my aunt absolutely loved and had been wanting. Could God be any more obvious?! Seeing his hand in such and obvious way reminds me of all the times it’s not so obvious too. But always there :).
November 3rd, 2008 at 4:38 pm
I think all people to a certain extent are judgemental. It’s ingrained in us and we can’t help ourselves. It’s human nature. But I think what matters most is, that when we find ourselves judging others, that we stop. Or at the very least, try to be sympathetic and see if from the other’s point of view. Nobody is perfect and noone is better than anyone else. We are all just trying to survive and I cannot stand those sanctimonious people on their high posts who think their toilet offerings don’t stink.
I am not a religious person by any means. I have had a crisis of faith for a long time now. But what most people call “praying” I call “hoping.” Hoping for one to find their way. Hoping that the situation gets better for another. Hoping for peace and love for the entire world. You are such a beautiful soul Bethany, and I think it’s lovely that you said a little prayer for this harried mom. You have a beautiful heart.
November 3rd, 2008 at 4:53 pm
I love this–praying instead of judging, sending out positivity instead of scowling behind the wrong-doer’s back. This is inspirational, really.
And a kind word, look, vibe can sometimes make all the difference in the life of a stranger.
Thanks for the reminder.
November 3rd, 2008 at 5:47 pm
Yes….that is all, just yes.
November 3rd, 2008 at 6:50 pm
AMEN! Great post!
November 4th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
That is beautiful Bethany. So many times we all judge even though we know we shouldn’t do it. I do believe in the power of prayer and how sometimes it is instantaneous and other times it takes a while. I am glad you were there to pray for them that day.
And here is a little story from me on the same subject. I have a friend that quite often yells (and I mean yells) at her kids in public. And she was commenting on a particular person always seeing her do this (not me). So I said, “Next time you are about to yell at the kids in public, stop and think of her and perhaps you won’t have to do it?!” Her reply, what”great idea!!” thinking of course that this person wouldn’t catch her, not that perhaps her kids would behave better if she was not always yelling at them in public.
November 4th, 2008 at 6:16 pm
AMAZING our God is! Thank you for sharing so openly and honestly! It’s a blessing when others can read of the work of God!
November 4th, 2008 at 7:34 pm
[...] Actually posted recently of her experience at her local pottery painting studio. There was a mom who was being less than patient with her uncooperative small children and was [...]