And we’re very glad he is!

Well, he’s back in town, anyway. Since Troy has duty tonight and can’t actually come home till morning, we picked up pizza and went to have dinner with him on the ship.

I used to do that all the time before Annalie was born. Depending on the ship he was on and his rank at the time, Troy would have duty anywhere from every five days to two weeks. So I’d drive to the base after work or class, pick up our usual order at the taco place inside the gate, and head to the ship. Sometimes I brought food I’d cooked, and when I did that I usually made sure to bring extra in case any other officers happened to wander through the wardroom looking hungry. Back in those days, we might watch a show on TV and I would usually stay as late as I could, till all visitors had to be off the ship at 10pm.

There was one Valentine’s Day early in our marriage—it might have even been the first one after we were married—when Troy had duty. So he and another officer who had duty that night, Danny, concocted a grand plan that Danny called Operation Get-Out-Of-Doghouse. They invited me and Erin, Danny’s wife, to come to the ship for dinner and a movie. They assured us that we didn’t have to bring a thing, that they’d take care of everything.

They asked the Mess Specialists (this was before they were called Culinary Specialists) who were on duty that night to make a special Valentine’s Day dinner: Chicken Cordon Bleu, roasted potatoes, broccoli, and a dessert. And oh man, did those MSes outdo themselves!

In case anyone is getting worked up at the idea of taxpayer money being spent on a fancy dinner for officers’ wives, let me assure you that (1) the dinner wasn’t that fancy, and (2) Erin and I had to pay for our meals, as all guests who eat on a ship do.

Usually the cooks on a ship are feeding a ton of people and the food tends to be decent but not anything amazing. But these guys are all really well-trained for their jobs, and given the chance to shine, they sure do. I still remember how delicious that chicken was! They even put a white tablecloth out for us, used the nice ship’s china and silverware, and acted as our servers (which they don’t always do). It was clear that they were totally getting a kick out of the whole thing and enjoying themselves just as much as we were.

Danny and Troy also had flowers for each of us, a DVD player with CDs to listen to, movies to watch after dinner, and I seem to recall candles on the table too. Since Danny and Erin were good friends of ours the conversation was lively and punctuated with frequent laughter. I think about that dinner sometimes, about how that could have been a melancholy, unmemorable Valentine’s Day and another mark against the Navy in our memories…but instead it was a fun, memorable evening that showed me being a Navy wife doesn’t have to be one long struggle.

The times when Troy is gone aren’t easy, especially now that we have Annalie. We both miss him terribly when he’s gone. Being a single parent even temporarily is quite humbling and has given me a new level of respect for full-time single parents. It makes me realize how much I rely on Troy for support and help when he’s here. When Troy is gone, I am the only adult in the house. If I don’t load and unload the dishwasher, remember to take the trash to the alley the night before trash pick-up, clean the litterboxes, pay the bills on time…it doesn’t get done. Of course, I do many of those things anyway, but most of the time Troy is there to pick up the chores I miss. Just knowing I have back-up lightens the load.

Many people have told me that they have no idea how I do it, how anyone who’s married to a military member manages all the time apart. My answer is always the same: I just do it, because being married to Troy in the Navy is better than not being married to Troy at all. And there is the fact that before we were married, Troy assured me that if I ever decided I just couldn’t stand the Navy life anymore, he would get out in a heartbeat. He made the decision before he even met me that his family would always come before his career. Heck, that’s half the reason I married him.

I’ve learned over the years that I am strong enough, that Troy and I are strong enough together, to weather the separations. We have lots of people praying for us and supporting us. I’m smart enough to plan distractions for myself, like inviting friends to visit or traveling to visit them or having fun adventures at the mall.

But above all, the most important thing that helps me stay sane when Troy is gone on long deployments is that ships no longer have to rely on snail mail as their main means of communication. Thank God for email!